Motivation

I ran into an old friend at the gym today & the topic of what motivates you to workout came up. In this situation, my friend is trying to tone up for a beach vacation with her boo & his family to Mexico.  This made me think about the importance of having a goal when you hit the gym.

When I was little, my mom made me do swim team. I thought it was torture & wanted to call social services on her red Irish ass. Getting up at 8am on a Summer morning to swim laps at 11 years old was absolutely fucking foul.  I found it really difficult to paddle my chunky ass around, and after throwing numerous tempter tantrums & several unsuccessful calls to 911, I decided to suck it up.  To get through my 15 minutes of pool time, I would pretend a school of hammerhead sharks were chasing after me trying to bite my vagina.  Thus, I paddled like a crazed lunatic until I was finished with my laps. In a way, I still do this.  I don't pretend gigantic fish with teeth want to chomp on my crotch, but I have a very focused goal when I'm breaking a sweat.

Lately, my focus has been on making my ass not resemble a pancake.  I imagine this horrible, pale, hideous, cruel witch from high school & how much I hated her butt.  It looked like she had been viciously beaten with an oven pan for hours, leaving her cheeks flat as a board.  I also check out pictures of Adriana Lima & Brooke Mora for motivation.  I used to utilize Kim Kardashian's ass as positive motivation to workout, but now I just use my broken heart and sense of betrayal over her failed marriage to that dumbass ape she was screwing.

Anyway, bitches the point of this post is to suggest that you focus in on some sort of goal before you hit the gym or pool to swim away from schools of fucked-up-headed sharks.  Do you want to tone your ass?  Do you need to work off your emotional breakdown over Kim's wedding? Are you running away from a cracked out LaLohan? Are sea animals turned on by your pancake ass? Are you sick of your legs looking like cottage cheese? Whatever it is, embrace it. Stop whining about whatever is bothering you & use it as fuel to get moving.

Love as always,
FitBitch

PS: Thank you mom for making me do swim team.