Inspiration

There have been times in the past four years where I've really just wanted to give up. I either felt that my work wasn't physically manifesting itself or I was just so sore & beat up that I didn't think my legs could possibly endure another workout, especially a run.

In high school, I was unhappy with myself & unhappy with everybody around me. I didn't feel like the happy girl I was in previous years.  My disposition became even clearer to me when my family expressed concern about me.  I had an ugliness about me that came from a lack of security & confidence in myself as I hated what I saw in the mirror. I had acne, I was big & I was awkward. I took this out on people around me by lashing out. Life just sucked. I wish I could find a more eloquent word, but it truly just sucked. Everybody around me tried to get me to eat better and workout, but I refused. I have never adhered to advice from others. I am fiercely independent & insist on doing things my way on my terms. It didn't matter how much others told me to change (even though it was for the better), I needed to decide to make a change myself.

One day this inspiration finally hit me. I was trying on clothes in my closet & literally nothing fit. I realized exactly in that moment what I had become: fat, unhappy & a newer, worse version of myself. At that moment I immediately changed into whatever I thought I was appropriate for a workout & pushed myself to make it around the block. It was a short distance physically, but something of a much grander nature in my head. I did it. I did everything all those assholes in high school thought I couldn't do. I finally proved my insanely athletic dad that I could run & I showed my mom that I was better than the girl I had been living my life as. All of their incessant pushing for me to change & help me hadn't worked. It took my decision; my realization that I needed to change for me to do it. I was finally in control & it felt incredible. When I think about it now, I start to cry because I finally took control of my life. No matter what anybody did or said to me, running was something they could never take from me. It was mine.

My weight has fluctuated in the past, but I never lost my love of running. Today I can happily say I'm in a healthy place with a healthy fixation on fitness. I'm in the best shape I've ever been & my goals just keep increasing. Because I feel like I was able to make the change to where I am today and because I see how truly happy it makes me, I felt the need to share that with people. When starting FitBitch I've kept in mind that it really doesn't matter if you really want somebody to change, or if you really feel that you know a "better" way to live; people have to want it themselves. I hope by reaching out to people that I inspire that spark within them. Turning your life around must be your decision & it isn't going to work unless you want it.

I also want anybody who reads this (if anybody even does) that a FitBitch doesn't have one particular body type. A FitBitch is somebody who respects their body. A FitBitch allows herself to be human & indulge every once in awhile, but a FitBitch knows she needs to pay homage to her body by treating it well. A FitBitch uses her muscles & increases her all around health by engaging her mind & body.
I hope if anybody reads this that it inspires something within you. Working out & engaging in a healthy diet isn't about looking like a model or some ridiculous standard we women are expected to reach, but it's about accepting yourself for who YOU are & taking ownership of that.

When I think to myself "I just cannot get out there & run today", I immediately follow that thought up with the realization I don't have to do anything. I think people overwhelm themselves with working out like it's a life or death responsibility. Exercising is something you should love. It's a selfish time where you can just focus on you. It's a time where you can show your body love. Just think about the infinite number of combinations that could've come out of your parents' eggs & sperm. Out of all the little creepy sperm & all your mother's eggs, that one sperm latched onto that one egg and made you. You were meant to be here. When I think about this, I feel lucky to have made it into the world & it makes me want to show appreciation for my body.

Working out doesn't have to be a run. You can dance like a moron to Britney Spears in your room, you can, bike you can play with your kids, you can play hopscotch, you can go to da club & dance your ass off like a freak, you can jump rope, you can do Zumba (which is fun as shit, but you look like an idiot trying to do those moves). Just do something. Love yourself for who you are; inside & out.